Why? why? why? WHY?!

After many times thinking, the word "Why?" haunts my daily life to the point that I can't stop questioning life, love, meaning, point, current state, and Him. After many times I tried to get a hold of my feelings, that word creeped in and I can't run away from it. How many questions does a single human being get? What's the limit? When and how do we break our minds from that word? Can it be stopped? Or should I live with it? Life is filled with questions that can be meaningful full or un-meaningful, all of that for me is quite unsettling or scary.

Questions can break people's minds cause these choices must have an answer and no matter whether the answer is what you want or the opposite, what happens when your question is un-answerable or where the answer comes after you do a certain act. these un-answerable questions will lead to doubts and overthinking, and my personal struggle is "fear". the fear of an unanswered question is morbidly terrifying, it feels unsettling and combined with other emotions and it will destroy anyone who dares think about it. And the thing is I think about that fear and overthink all possible outcomes and this entire thing destroys my mind, the end result from all of this mess is uncontrollable "Pain".

This pain is too much for me, and in any way, I know how to fix this pain and stop it completely but I don't have the courage to do it. I fear all outcomes and the eventual conclusion of everything, I fear the ending of my act, I fear the process, I fear the reaction, I fear the judgment, I fear treatment, I fear I can't be with him and he will just disappear and won't come back - leaving an empty shell of a person still hoping for a positive result from all of these random emotions that I can't even hold my self - and keeping me in a state of unhindered spiral that has no stop to it - spinning in aimlessly in a bottomless void that's filled with lost emotions off the past. Soo why am I like this?

Sorry if this writing or rant is dark or disturbing and if any of you might be asking "Am I okay?" the answer is -Ish? i mean I won't do anything to harm myself in any way but this feeling is kind of a lot for me rn... soo ill see you later, Peace.

Solo quiero bailar lento contigo J